From AptToConverse via KATG Forums:

I don't know what prompted me to stick my finger in my clean ass and lick it. Perhaps, I was checking for an injury or something else -- I really can not say for certain as to the reason -- but my mouth started burning in flames from jalapenos. Yes, I had jalapeno pepper juice up my ass! I can't believe how I discovered this -- you know what I mean? -- and I can not believe that I confirmed what I thought. I have jalapeno pepper ass and need immediate help!

I admit to him the situation. We bust out laughing because we can't believe the twist of events. He was still in disbelief making claims of washing hands but he is a gentleman. He asked what could he do to help me and I told him that he is going to have to eat the jalapeno pepper juice out of my ass-- and in a hurry! So, my legs fly up in the air and he is down there licking away -- his mouth in flames -- trying to rescue me from my situation! Periodic stops to drink more beer were needed and about another 15 minutes of licking, I started to find relief.

Update: Several people misread this article and thought I was relating my own story. When so many people misread, the fault is clearly with the communicator, not the communicatee. I've updated this so that the attribution should be clearer now.