This post from Brent Rasmussen echos some of the self-realizations I came to on my journey out of Christianity:
You know what? I still think I'd refuse to carry out this deity's orders, even it it meant my own death or punishment in an afterlife in Hell. I further think that I would actively fight against this deity, regardless of how futile it seemed - it being the "Creator Of The Universe" and all.
But I'd be satisfied with my choice that I had done the right thing, by my own lights.
I still believe that it's possible that a God, possibly even the one I used to believe in, exists.
However, I no longer believe that it makes sense for me to worship any such God on faith alone. I have (at least the illusion of) free will and reason; any God who granted me those, and then expected me to ignore what my reason tells me - well, that's a God who I don't understand and don't wish to worship.