Wow, this is almost enough to make Second Life sound fun:

This triggered a flurry of IMs from Mastress, at first indignant and then apologetic and mollifying, wheedling and needy in ever more broken English. For a second, I considered picking up the conversation, because topping a domme is always fun. But no. Who has the time? And anyway, they were just a pair of wandering perverts (and probably both men) who broke into my house for dominant/submissive shenanigans.